We’re a month into the New Year! So much accomplished already and feeling grateful! Yet why do I feel I should be doing more?
I’ve always been a really self-disciplined person and very goal-oriented, so taking time off to relax has never been easy for me. But something has happened to me over the past while where I feel I’ve lost my mojo. Is it age? Not that I’m old by any means, but is it just the realization that hard work doesn’t always really matter in the grand scheme of things?
My year started off just terrible. I lost a cat to diabetes and another one got really sick and was diagnosed with Intestinal Bowel Disease (IBD). Who knew something like that existed? Not me, until it happened, and I’ve always tried to feed my cat the best of the best (or so I thought).
My husband and I never had kids, so my cats are my children. Not only have I taken on a few more than the two I originally had, but I have taken to feeding feral cats, even managing to tame many. Just call me the crazy cat lady! Riley was my first, and she’s 10 and a half years old. I’ve had her since she was weaned from her mother at about six weeks or so! I hate seeing her sick like this. Managing her IBD is a continuing struggle, and I’m constantly having to try new things just to get her to eat when before she always wanted to eat.
As the month closes and another one opens, I can’t help but wish I could have done more. I’ve been practicing daily gratitude, and I know it’s very important to continue this practice, but as I reflect back on everything I’ve accomplished this month, I can’t help but think it’s not enough.
I decided to reflect and share my accomplishments. Maybe sharing will help me gain some perspective. So here goes:
- Numerous vet visits; learned a lot about Riley’s IBD and making positive changes to help her (ups and downs with her eating and worried sick).
- Continuing remodeling project while living in the house
- Finished Liberation with publication date of February 14, 2016
- Sent YA (young adult novel) off for edits and beta read
- Got 2nd round of edits for romantic suspense story; working on those now to submit to publisher later
- Submitted YA (rejected, but alas, that was before the beta read, and I’ll try again!)
- Completed a cleanse diet (lots of fruits and veggies, with taking a break from caffeine, processed foods, and alcohol) (A writer taking a break from coffee! Unheard of! And the occasional red wine is a must!))
- Started new story
- Managed to get up earlier a few times a week so that I could write, but not near enough (those warm blankets feel too good in the morning)!
- No matter what day, even when I stayed up until 2AM working on house, I was still up by 7 AM to feed feral cats
- Watched Centennial. This was a big deal to me since I’ve always wanted to re-watch it; something I did as a young child with my family that I wanted to celebrate for my 40th birthday
- Celebrated my 40th birthday without losing my mind (even while most of my family forgot)
- Helped prepare for a murder trial at work (and continuing work related issues not mentioned)
- Other work related and personal issues best not mentioned
And yet in those 30 days of accomplishments, I still don’t feel I’m doing enough and still don’t feel accomplished. What is it that causes that feeling? Do you ever feel this way?
A couple of things I can pinpoint are that I haven’t exercised as extensively as I used to. The cleanse diet and the remodeling (half the time I feel I’ve done a thousand deadlifts without actually doing them) has stopped me from this goal. Also, the remodeling project is taking a lot longer than I had anticipated, but it’s really hard to be completely constructive when you have a full time job and other responsibilities. I’m convinced it wouldn’t take as long if we weren’t actually living in the house while remodeling! Not exercising is the worse form of feeling unsatisfied and unaccomplished, IMO.
My husband does collision repair for a living. His job is physically hard, and yet he comes home to do remodeling. His job also entails sanding Bondo and things of that nature. And yet, after 15 minutes of sanding our walls after mudding, I’m ready to cry!
I guess we are living in a world of want more, do more, be more. I’m happy with my life and the way things are, and yet I wish my deck project could be built in one weekend. After all, isn’t that what all the HGTV shows tell us can happen? And my drywall projects (for every single room), shouldn’t they be done within a day or two?
Alas, no. Everything worth doing is worth doing well, and that generally means slowly unless you are really really good at your job and that’s all you do without working full time and being a writer, too I suppose. Or just rushing through. So I’ll take one day at a time, and remember to be grateful for each and every moment I have!